he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
