What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
