I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
