apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
