if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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