Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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