If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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