The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
