the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
