When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
