I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
