accomplished twins. life is a go
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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