I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Go christen that room with your naked body.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize