it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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