Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
