I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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