you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
