i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
