Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
