ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
