Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
