One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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