everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
