She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
