Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
