I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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