sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize