I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
