I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
