I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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