so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
