Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
