I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
