im having a threesome with these popsicles
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
