he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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