Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
