It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
