Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
