ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
