either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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