i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
