Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
