your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
