He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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