All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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