she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
