I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
