My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
