I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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