1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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