I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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