Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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