My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
