I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
