I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
