You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
