Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
