my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
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