Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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