I think my fart just growled at me.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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