I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
