its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
what day is it and did you see me today?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
