I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
