I wish I could teleport
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
