dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
