then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
