Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
